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Is your marriage suffocating?

Never before have so many couples expected a marriage to accomplish so much with so little. In my grandparents’ day people got married to take care of their basic needs: the physical care of a home and family, maybe a farm. Generations since have looked to marriage for romantic love, intimacy and companionship. But today’s […]

Posted in Marriage History and Meaning | Leave a comment

Solve all your problems by moving?

If only. Recently I had the joy and privilege of traveling with my spouse to Santa Fe, a town to fall in love with. Met a couple — two men in their forties — who were delighting in their move there from a big, bustling city. “Love the culture change,” one of them — I’ll […]

Posted in Stress | 2 Comments

What makes a marriage feel like a dance? Part 3

One reason I see marriages going stale (or blowing up) is that partners get caught up in the shopping mentality. I don’t mean too many mall trips. I’m talking about the idea that you find The One, bring him or her home, and the relationship just keeps running for decades, like a Volvo. Choosing a […]

Posted in Flow | Leave a comment

A response to the Times’ Opt-Out-Opt-In piece…

Sharing this from my psychotherapy/marriage practice website:  Hope you’ll take a look.  Work-life integration is not a woman’s problem!  Slow Marriage offers a shared path to life-sustaining partnership…

Posted in Moms and Dads | Leave a comment

What makes a marriage feel like a dance? Part 2

“I’ve been super supportive during your deal,” Sarah, a tax accountant, told her husband, John, an attorney who was calling from his office at midnight.  “I want you to admit that last year during my busy season you didn’t step up to the plate.”  Not surprisingly, John refused to “admit” anything and they hung up […]

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What makes a marriage feel like a dance?

What make a marriage feel like a dance?  Couples therapists and researchers whose work I most admire — John and Julie Gottman, William Doherty. Sue Johnson, Terry Real, Michele Weiner-Davis, Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, and Ellen Bader and Peter Pearson — have offered cogent, helpful answers. On the shoulders of giants, I’m interested in a particular way of viewing […]

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